Vogler Hearts Wilson
by twinkies-on-my-wilson
Summary: This is crack!fic that explores Vogler's love for Wilson
1. Twinkie Love

A/N: Please let me reiterate that they're OoC, and that this is AU, and yaoi/slash

Edward Vogler was watching as House and Wilson were eating in the café. Wilson had a big smile on his face. Vogler knew that all he wanted to do was attack Wilson and _RAPE_ him. Oh how Vogler envied House's relationship with Wilson. The cute Oncologist with his bouncy brown hair….Vogler had to have Wilson!! And No one and nothing was going to stop him from getting his new sex toy and a dozen boxes of Twinkies!


	2. Barney Hearts Wilson

A/N: Please let me reiterate that they're OoC, and that this is AU, and yaoi/slash

Vogler was watching Wilson during a board meeting. The way he scribbled notes on a random sheet of paper. Wilson had a goofy grin on his face. Vogler knew why Wilson was in such a good mood. It was because House had agreed to allow Wilson to visit him and spend the night. Vogler grew green with envy at that thought. Before he could stop himself, the portly man's eyes became dilated and purple. He then morphed into the most feared creature ever. BARNEY!!


	3. Change Of Name

A/N: Please let me reiterate that they're OoC, and that this is AU, and yaoi/slash

Wilson sat in his office doing mindless paper work. Actually, what he was really doing was writing: "Dr. James Evan House" all over a sheet of paper, when Vogler knocked on the door. Wilson motioned him to enter, and enter Vogler dd. Instead of sitting in an empty seat, Vogler went behind the desk and sat on Wilson. Wilson ended up passing out do to lack of oxygen because he was being squished! After a minute Vogler left and went to his own office. Once there he pulled out a sheet of paper and statered writing: "Mr. Edward Wilson".


	4. Misfiled

Wilson was playing with his my little pony toys when House burst into his office. Wilson quickly pushed the toys off his desk, and replaced them with folders that looked important. House saw Wilson's movements and walked slowly over to Wilson's desk. He grabbed the folders and started to flip through them. He stopped and looked at one page. All over this page it said: "Dr. James Evan House." House burst out in laughter and threw down the folder. He then walked out. Wilson looked down at the folder that House threw down on the desk. He blushed and got up to follow the older doctor to his office.


	5. Collapse

A/N: Please let me reiterate that they're OoC, and that this is AU, and yaoi/slash

BAM! The building was starting to collapse! Wilson quickly jumped up from his desk and ran over to House's office to help the older doctor evacuate the building. As they quickly limped out of the building they ran past Foreman who was shoving people out of the way so that he could escape. Then they saw Chase who was trying to fix his hair as he ran. Lastly they ran past Cameron who was helping patient after patient with the littlest thing. House laughed as Cameron gave Wilson a dirty look because he had his arm around House's waist. She let out a crazy scream and attacked Wilson. Wilson went down with a thud, forcing House to go down with him. Cameron yelled at Wilson louder now because he had hurt House. She grabbed House and jumped out the nearest window leaving Wilson alone in a building that was falling down. Wilson passed out. Next thing he knew was that he was being carried out of the hospital by a man who was in a lot of pain. Once outside the hospital the man collapsed dropping Wilson on the ground. Wilson jumped up and looked at the man who carried him out. It was no other than Allison Cameron!!


	6. Red Convertible

A/N: Please let me reiterate that they're OoC, and that this is AU, and yaoi/slash

Wilson and House were walking in the parking lot. House was complaining about how hungry he was. Out of no where, a big fat man, dressed as a twinkie, drove up in a red Convertible and grabbed Wilson. House was confused about what had just happened. Wilson was now being dragged by the waist through the non-existent, yet sometimes existent, parking garage. The Twinkie man was laughing like crazy as he pulled Wilson into the car and started to eat him!! (Wilson was getting eaten by a giant twinkie!! OO)


	7. The Speech Of Death

A/N: Please let me reiterate that they're OoC, and that this is AU, and yaoi/slash

There House was, standing at the podium giving a speech. Vogler looked out at the audience to see a very happy Wilson staring at his lover. Vogler got sad and started to cry. House turned around with a surprised look on his face. Vogler pulled a knife out of no where and threw it at House. It hit him in the right thigh. Poor House, he let out a scream and fell off the stage onto the ground. Wilson went running to House and yanked the knife out. Wilson then threw the knife at Vogler, which hit the fat man in the gut, killing him instantly. Wilson then let out a yell because he had ended the regime which was Vogler!


	8. The Ways To Beat House

A/N: Please let me reiterate that they're OoC, and that this is AU, and yaoi/slash

Vogler knew that the only way to get Wilson was to destroy House. With House out of the way, Wilson would be all his. Oh the ways to do the deed. He could force House to sleep with Cameron, which would cause Cameron to eat House alive and never let him leave her side. He could have Chase attach himself to House's leg and never let go. Or, he could have Foreman engage House in "rap" battles and such racist comments. All these plans would be perfect! Wilson would be devastated over the loss of House. That's when Vogler would swoop in and hug Wilson till Wilson went POP!!


	9. Tritter And Vogler Team Up

A/N: Please let me reiterate that they're OoC, and that this is AU, and yaoi/slash

Vogler and Triter were having lunch when they saw Wilson and House walking around the halls of PPTH. Wilson was laughing and looking at House with eyes full of longing. Tritter decided that he had had enough. He wanted, no NEEDED to be attacking House and stealing Wilson away for himself. This made Vogler very jealous. He had to get to Wilson first! In the next second, both jumped up and ran at the two doctors. Vogler grabbed Wilson and started to snuggle up to the oncologist. Tritter stole House's cane and threw it away. He then grabbed Wilson's arm and started pulling. Tritter and Vogler were now in a tug-o-war battle, Wilson being the rope. House looked confused and got up and started pulling on Wilson's legs until Wilson went in three different directions. One arm to each Tritter and Vogler, while the rest of Wilson went towards House. Vogler cried while Tritter pouted. And Wilson, well Wilson had no arms and was very sad. Tears started to swell up in his eyes. Vogler felt bad and hugged Wilson. He then jumped up and ate Wilson. (Wilson taste like a twinkie!)


	10. Tritter And Vogler Team Up Two

A/N: Please let me reiterate that they're OoC, and that this is AU, and yaoi/slash

Tritter was done talking to House's team when Wilson walked in talking about coins or something. Tritter didn't listen to the cute oncologist, he was too busy picturing destroying the doctor's clothing. However, just as Triter was about to grab the doctor, Wilson's pager went off. He looked at the pager and ran out the door. Tritter followed the young doctor only to see him run into House's office. Tritter heard the door lock and Wilson laughing. Tritter's heart began to break. So he pulled out a twinkie and summoned Vogler to come and kill the old doctor! The portly man busted down the door and ate House causing the adorable oncologist to break down in tears. Tritter took this to his advantage and kidnapped Wilson laughing, like a mad man. Vogler was left eating House with no cuddly Wilson as an award! TT


End file.
